Without knowing yourself, everything remains incomplete.

The greatest irony

Human beings have labored greatly to know the world. But the very person who was sent to know the world has not tried to know himself. And this is humanity's greatest irony.

You have come to know the stars. You have measured the depths of the sea. You have conquered mountains, built machines, and carried science so far that you have reached the moon. Yet a very small distance still remains between you and your own self. That distance is so small that no instrument is needed to measure it. Only a little awareness is required.

You know thousands of things about the outer world. But have you ever sat within and asked: who am I?

Remember, this is not an ordinary question. This question can shake your entire life. Because the day you truly ask who am I? All the answers you have built about yourself will begin, slowly, to fall.

You will say: I am such-and-such a person. My name is this. My family is this. My work is this. My identity is this. I am this educated. I have this much wealth. I have these relationships. But I ask you: set these aside, one by one. If the name is taken away, the position taken away, the wealth taken away — forget, for a little while, even the identity of the family. Look at the body too as merely an object. Then, what remains — do you recognize it?

This is the real search. And the curious thing is that human beings keep avoiding this very search. They go to one house of prayer after another. They read books, gather knowledge, listen to teachers, discuss the lives of others. But they are afraid to look within.

Why? Because the moment you go within, you may discover that the I you have taken for truth all these years is perhaps only a collection of thoughts. In childhood someone told you: you are good, you are bad, you are beautiful, you are weak, you are intelligent. And you accepted it. Society told you what success is, what failure is, what honor is, what insult is. You accepted it. The family told you how you ought to be. You accepted it. Then, slowly, a personality was formed out of all these beliefs, and you took that personality to be your existence.

Personality and existence

But there is a great difference between personality and existence. Personality is what the world has written upon you. Existence is what is present within you, written by no one. Personality keeps changing. Existence remains silent.

In childhood you were one thing. In youth you became something else. As age increased, you became something else again. The body changed, thoughts changed, preferences changed, friends changed, dreams changed. Yet within you there is someone who has been watching all these changes.

Who is that seer? The search for that one is meditation. And until you reach that seer, all your knowledge remains incomplete. You can know a great deal about the world and still remain ignorant within. You can read a thousand books and still fail to recognize a single movement of your own mind. You can be very skilled at explaining things to others. But when you sit alone in your room at night, you need something or other in order to escape the restlessness rising within you — the phone, conversation, entertainment, work, money, relationships, fantasies, anything — because sitting alone feels difficult.

And I say: solitude is not difficult. Descending into yourself for the first time is difficult. Because there you will see everything you have suppressed for years. Your anger, your fear, your envy, your ambition, your insecurity, your craving, your love, your unfinished desires — all of it will come before you.

That is why a person keeps running outward. He does not want to hear the voice within. But remember: what you run from pursues you. You can change the city, change the house, change the job, change the relationship, change your clothes. But the unconsciousness within you, you will carry along. Therefore life does not change merely by changing circumstances. Life changes when the seer changes. When light comes into consciousness.

The mind that every circumstance disturbs

A man thinks his problem is outside. The wife is like this, the husband is like that, there is too little money, the job is not good, people do not respect him, the world does not understand. And he spends his whole life trying to change circumstances. But perhaps he has never asked: do I even know this mind that every circumstance manages to disturb?

If someone praises you, you become happy. If someone criticizes you, you become unhappy. That means your peace is not in your own hands. Someone outside speaks a single word, and a storm rises within you. Then you say, He made me unhappy. No. He only touched a hidden place within you. If that place had been known, had been understood, another person's word could not have shaken you so much.

Therefore self-knowledge does not mean memorizing a few beautiful sentences about yourself. Self-knowledge means seeing, without running, whatever is happening within you. Anger came — see it. Envy came — see it. Fear came — see it. Love came — see it. Ego came — see it. And seeing does not mean that you immediately begin to change it. Only see. Because the moment you see something without judgment, the possibility of transformation arises in it.

The problem is that you do not even see; you judge at once. This is good, this is bad, this should be, this should not be. You turn your own mind into a court, and you yourself sit there as the judge. Then you keep waging war within yourself. One part says, do not be angry. Another part is angry. One part says, do not envy. Another envies. One part says, remain calm. Another keeps screaming within. And you go on breaking.

But if you only watch as a witness, you will slowly understand that thought is not you. Emotion is not you. The body is not you. The role is not you. Your name is not you. Your experiences are not you either. All of these come and go, and the one who sees their coming and going is something else. That is what must be recognized.

This recognition is not an idol kept in some temple, to be found by going outside. Nor is it an object that another person can give you. A teacher can only point the direction. A word can awaken a question within you. A meditation can bring you to the door. But the step inside, you yourself will have to take. This is why no human being can know himself by borrowing another's experience. You cannot see your own face through someone else's eyes. You will have to stand before the mirror yourself. And life is the greatest mirror.

Life as a mirror

Your relationships show you your face. The person who angers you most is showing you something within you. The thing that wounds you most is showing some hidden insistence within you. The thing you fear losing is showing your attachment. The praise for which you remain restless is showing the hunger of your ego.

So do not run from life. Use life as a mirror. When someone insults you, in that very moment look within: what shook? When someone praises you, see who forgot himself. When someone leaves you and goes, see who broke. This seeing itself is the practice.

And slowly you will experience that you are not the story of your mind. You are the spectator of that story. Then a wonderful distance appears in life. Thoughts come, but they do not sweep you away. Emotions rise, but they do not make you their slave. Circumstances change, but a quiet center remains within you. That center is your own home. All your life you have wandered outside the house, and the house is within.

You have sought happiness in objects, in honor, in relationships, in success. But the root of happiness is not outside; it is within. An outer object can give you momentary pleasure. Lasting peace comes only when you begin to taste your own being.

Therefore I say: without knowing yourself, all is in vain. Your achievements are not vain, because they can be useful in the world. But they cannot complete you. You may have a great deal and still be empty of yourself. And you may have very little, and yet within there may be a richness that no one can take away. Real wealth is that which comes from within you.

A small experiment

So from today, make a small experiment. Every day, sit alone for some time. Do not try to attain anything. Do not try to prove anything. Close your eyes and only see. What is happening in the body? How is the breath moving? Which thought is coming in the mind? Which memory is rising? Which fear is standing before you? Change nothing. Only see. And if the thought runs a thousand times, return a thousand times to seeing.

Slowly, one day, you will feel that behind thoughts there is a silence. Behind emotions there is a peace. And behind all your restlessness there is a witness who has never been restless. That witness is to be recognized. That is the beginning of your search.

And remember: knowing yourself is not some final destination, but the art of waking toward yourself in every moment. The more you wake, the newer life will appear. The same tree, the same sky, the same road, the same people. But the eye that sees will have changed. And when the seeing eye changes, the world too appears changed. Then, for the first time, you understand that the problem was not so much in life as in your unconsciousness. And the moment light comes into unconsciousness, many knots begin to open by themselves.

So do not run outside. Stop for a moment. Take a breath. Close your eyes and ask within: who am I?

But this time, do not give the answer from some book. Do not repeat a teacher's answer. Do not give the answer of your name. Remain silent. Let the question descend within. Because it may be that after the question has become utterly still, you catch, for the first time, a glimpse of the person you have known least in your whole life. And that person is no one else. It is you yourself.

The answer will not come in words

And when you ask within, who am I? The first thing to understand is that the answer to this question will not be found in words. Because words are not yours. Words belong to society, to books, to customs, to what others have given.

You say, I am the soul. But have you read this somewhere? You say, I am the body. This too is not the whole truth of your experience. You say, I am the mind. But if you are the mind, who is the one seeing the mind?

Therefore the real search is not a search of finding an answer, but a search of letting fall all the false answers you have piled upon yourself. A human being's greatest difficulty is this: he has already assumed a great deal about himself, and he is living by taking that assumption to be truth.

Someone told you in childhood that you are weak, and you built a belief within that I am weak. Someone said you are very clever. You seized that too, and made an ego of it: I am better than others. Someone rejected you, and you concluded that you are not worthy of love. Someone praised you, and you concluded that your worth lies in the praise of others.

See how strange this is. Even your own face has come to you through other people's eyes. You have never known yourself directly. You have always known yourself through someone else's reaction. Someone says you are beautiful, and you become beautiful. Someone says you are ugly, and sorrow arises within you. Someone says you are successful, and you are pleased. Someone says you are a failure, and you break.

What does this mean? It means your identity is not in your own hands. You are a boat that every other person can push in his own direction. And then you say, I am free.

What kind of freedom? How can a person be free whose happiness depends on another's praise, and whose sorrow depends on another's criticism?

Therefore the first step of self-knowledge is to see how much of you is borrowed. How many of my thoughts are mine? How many of my desires are mine? What I want — do I truly want it, or has society taught me that I ought to want it?

You want wealth. Why? Perhaps because from childhood you were told that the one who has wealth is the one who is successful. You want to be famous. Why? Because you were told that many people knowing you is your worth. You want to get ahead of others. Why? Because comparison has become the language of your life.

And when you have finished the whole race, one day you suddenly find that the destination you were running toward has, on arrival, the same emptiness within. Then the mind says, something more is needed. One more house, one more car, one more achievement, one more relationship, one more honor. And you start running again.

This cycle keeps going. A person keeps changing objects. But the machine of wanting remains the same. Therefore the problem is not that you have too little. The problem may be that you do not even know what enough is. A person who does not know himself can never be content. Because his lack is not a lack of outer objects. His lack is a distance from himself.

You are cut off, within, from your own existence. So you try to fill that empty place with outer things. But no object can fill the place within you. For a little while pleasure will come. Then the same emptiness will return. You must have seen: the thing you were restless for months to obtain loses its attraction within a few days of being obtained. Why? Because the object never touched your original problem. You did not want the object. You wanted the experience of completeness within. But you searched for it in the object. And this illusion keeps a human being circling birth after birth.

Love, and the grip of mine

You search for love too, but you turn even love into ownership. You say, You are mine. Look carefully. Where the grip of mine is very deep, love slowly begins to turn into fear. Because what you consider your own, you begin to fear losing. Then you are not loving. You are seeking security. You are not loving the other person. You want him to complete your lack. And when he does not fulfill your expectation, anger comes. You say, You have changed. Perhaps he did not change. Perhaps your imagination broke.

Therefore knowing yourself is not leaving relationships. It is seeing your own unconsciousness inside relationships. When you love someone, look within. Can I see him as free? Can I be glad in his happiness, even if his happiness is not according to my wish? Can I understand him instead of holding him? If not, then perhaps there is more fear there than love. And giving fear the name of love is an old human habit.

Look at anger in the same way. When someone does not accept what you say, why does fire rise within you? Because your ego says: my word must be accepted. But have you ever asked why your word is so important? Your thought is only a thought. It is not the final truth. But the mind turns its thoughts into truth, and then takes every disagreement as an attack on its existence. This is why people keep fighting for years over small things.

A word was spoken, and the mind made a story. Someone did not reply, and the mind made a story. Someone sent a message late, and the mind made a story. Someone did not smile, and the mind made a story. A human being suffers less from the event and more from his own interpretation of the event.

Therefore meditation means creating a little distance between the event and your story. Someone says something. Only that much happened. After that, watch the thousand things the mind adds. Perhaps for the first time you will discover that a large part of your sorrow is born not from the actual event, but from your thoughts. And when you begin to watch thoughts, a wonderful thing slowly appears.

Thoughts do not obey you. You say, Today I will think no thought, and the mind immediately arrives with a hundred thoughts. You say, I must not worry, and the worry grows sharper. You say, I must not get angry, and anger begins to boil within. This means the mind cannot be changed by command alone. It must be understood. And the simplest path of understanding is to become a witness.

As you sit on the bank of a river and watch the river flow — you do not stop the river, nor do you flow away with it; you only watch — in the same way, watch your mind. Let a thought come and go. Let a memory come and go. Let a fantasy of the future come and go. A desire rose — see it. A fear came — see it. An old sorrow stood before you — see it. Remain only the one who sees.

In the beginning it will feel difficult, because for years your habit has been to run. A thought came and you jumped into it. An emotion came and you flowed away with it. Now, for the first time, you must sit on the bank. And slowly you will find that the waves of the mind touch you, but do not carry you away. This is the beginning of inner freedom.

Then you will understand that within you there is a place where no thought is the final truth. There, there is silence. There, there is no role. There, there is no name. There, there is no comparison. There, there is no I am better than others, and no I am less than others either. There, there is only being. And in that being there is a peace that outer success cannot give.

Do not forget the center

So when I say that without knowing yourself all is in vain, I do not mean that you should do nothing in the world. No. Work. Love. Remain in the family. Earn. Dream. Travel. Build. But while doing all this, do not forget the center within you.

The problem is not the world. The problem is forgetfulness. Remain in the marketplace, but do not let the marketplace settle within you. Keep wealth, but do not let wealth become the price of your existence. Keep relationships, but do not make a relationship the identity of your soul. Attain success, but do not let success decide who you are.

Because if your identity rests on achievements, failure will break you. If your identity rests on other people's opinions, criticism will burn you. If your identity rests on the body, age will frighten you. If your identity rests on property, loss will empty you. But if your identity is in that witness who sees all of these, then changes will keep coming in life, and a center within you can remain unmoved.

This is also why the fear of death slowly begins to be understood. The body will change; one day it will end. Relationships will change. Property will be left. The name will be left. But one who has learned, all his life, the art of looking within can see even death as an event of life. I am not saying: imagine something about death. I am saying: see, from now, that in every moment something or other is ending. The breath comes and goes. The day comes and turns into night. Childhood went; youth came; youth too will go. One thought came; another went. One emotion rose and ended. And still you say, I am the same.

Who is that same one? This search will take you within. And perhaps this is life's greatest secret. Amid things that change every moment, you are searching for the unchanging.

But to find it, you do not have to go anywhere. You only have to stop the outer race for a little while and return within.

Tonight, when everyone has gone to sleep, sit alone for a few minutes. Do not repeat any mantra. Do not imagine anything. Do not try to have any special experience. Only watch your breath, and watch the thoughts rising within. And then gently ask: to whom is this thought appearing? Do not give an answer. Then ask: by whom is this feeling being felt? Remain silent. Then ask: who am I? And let this question descend so deep that words come to an end.

Because the day words end, perhaps for the first time experience begins. And from there your real search will start. Not a search of conquering the outer world, but of recognizing yourself. Not of changing others, but of awakening your own seeing. Not of becoming something, but of seeing the truth that was within you even before becoming — and that even now sits in silence, calling you.

The greatest obstacle is the feeling that you already know

Now go a little further within. Because on the search of knowing yourself, the greatest obstacle is not ignorance. The greatest obstacle is the illusion that you already know yourself.

You know your name, your age, your work, your family, your likes and dislikes. But all this is information about yourself. It is not self-knowledge. Information comes from outside. Self-knowledge reveals itself from within. And the difference between the two is the same as the difference between reading a book about a flower and actually experiencing its fragrance.

You have read a thousand poems about love. But have you known love? You have heard a great deal about meditation. But have you ever, for a few moments, watched your mind without any desire? You have heard many things about the soul. But have you ever touched, within yourself, that silence where no thought becomes your identity?

This is why a person goes on filling himself with knowledge and still remains empty within. Knowledge keeps increasing, but the knower remains untouched. You know a great deal about the world. But the I through which you know the world — that I you do not try to know. It is like a person who spends his whole life looking at other people's faces and never sees his own face in a mirror, and then one day says, I know my face. How? Only because others told you how you look? No. You will have to see for yourself. And the inner mirror is meditation.

Meditation does not mean merely closing the eyes. Meditation means seeing, with awareness, everything that is happening within you. Right now some thought is moving within you — perhaps of the future, perhaps of the past, perhaps of some person, perhaps of some worry. You can see that thought. But is the one who saw the thought himself the thought?

If you can say, This thought came into my mind, then there is some distance between me and the thought. You say, I am getting angry. That means anger is present before you like an event. But you have never felt that distance, because the moment anger comes you become anger. Sorrow comes and you say, I am sorrowful. A thought comes and you say, I am just like this. Fear comes and you say, I got afraid.

But if you pause a little and say, A wave of fear is rising within me, something suddenly changes. Fear is present, but you are not the fear. Sorrow is present, but you are not the sorrow. Thought is present, but you are not the thought.

This small distance is the door of self-knowledge. And a human being cannot create this distance because his entire education has been an education in building identity. From childhood it was said: this is your toy, this is your house, this is your family, this is your name, this is your caste, this is your religion, this is your country, this is your honor. And slowly the word mine grew. My house, my wealth, my family, my thought, my prestige, my success, my failure. And in the midst of this mine, the I was lost somewhere.

Look: who is the one who says mine? If you say my body, then the body and you have become two. If you say my mind, then the mind and you have become two. If you say my thoughts, then the thoughts and you have become two. Then who are you?

Do not run from this question. Do not fill it at once with some religious answer. Because the moment you give an answer, you go back into thought. Keep the question alive. Let the question burn within you. The deeper the question, the more the false personality will break. And when the false personality breaks, in the beginning there is a little fear. Because the story you have made about yourself has also become your security.

You say, I am just like this. This sentence is very dangerous, because I am just like this means you have passed a final judgment on yourself. You say: I am very short-tempered. I am very sensitive. I am very weak. I am very ambitious. I am just this kind of person.

But what fixed object are you? In the morning, one thing; in the evening, another. Circumstances change and your behavior changes. If someone respects you, you become different. If someone insults you, different. Alone, different. In a crowd, different. Before your parents, different. Before friends, different. At work, different. In love, different. So which of these is the real you?

Perhaps the one behind all these faces, watching the faces change, is nearest to you. Therefore knowing yourself is not constructing a new personality. It is recognizing the witness hidden behind the personalities. And the moment this witness is recognized, a very great revolution happens in your life.

The one moment of freedom

Before, you used to react. Now you begin to see. Before, someone abused you and you answered at once. Now perhaps a gap of one moment appears. The abuse reached the ears, shook something within; you saw it, and before the reaction, awareness arrived. That one moment is your freedom. In that one moment you can step outside the old conditioning. If that moment is not there, you live like a machine. Someone pressed a button and you became angry. Someone pressed another button and you became pleased. Someone pressed a third button and you became unhappy. You become less a human being and more a machine run by buttons.

Meditation creates a place in that machinery where there is distance between reaction and consciousness. And in that distance, freedom is born. Therefore meditation is not a religious ritual. Meditation is the art of seeing life.

You are eating — eat consciously. You are drinking water — feel the water. You are walking — feel your steps. You are speaking with someone — do not merely prepare what you will say. Listen to the person in front of you. Because most people do not listen. They only prepare their reply. Someone is speaking, and within you are thinking, What will I say after this? Then you did not hear him at all.

Meditation means being wholly present with whatever is happening in that moment. And whenever you are present, life feels alive for the first time. Otherwise you live half in the past and half in the future. The body is here; the mind is somewhere else. Worrying about tomorrow while eating, worrying about home while working, worrying about work while at home, fearing the future while loving someone, remembering old relationships while alone. And then you say there is no joy in life. How will there be joy? Where are you present in life at all?

Life is always now. The past is only memory. The future is only imagination. Reality is in this breath. But a human being fears the now, because in the now all his stories grow weak. In the past you can make a story about yourself: this happened to me. In the future you can make a story: one day I will become like this. But in the now there is only you, and your breath. Therefore remaining in the present is difficult for the mind. But this is the door of self-knowledge.

Sometimes sit quietly and only feel your breath. The breath comes in. You do nothing. The breath goes out. You do nothing. Who is breathing? You say, I am breathing. But look a little more deeply. Are you controlling every breath? Who breathes in sleep? Even after you have fallen asleep, the breath continues. The heart beats. The body does its work. Life keeps moving in its mystery.

You claim to be the owner of your body. But a very small part of the body is in your control. Still the ego says, I do. This feeling of I do is the cause of a great deal of restlessness. You think everything should be in your control. Results should come according to your wish. People should behave according to your wish. Relationships should run according to your wish. Life should run according to your plan. But life is larger than your plan. And when life does not run according to the plan, you become unhappy.

Perhaps you need understanding more than control. A river cannot be made to flow by grasping it. Its current has to be understood. Life is the same. This does not mean being inactive. It means: act, but do not rest your identity on the result. Make the effort, but do not make the result your existence. Love, but do not imprison the other. Earn, but do not make wealth your I. If success comes, enjoy it. If failure comes, learn from it. But do not let either become the final verdict on your existence. Because you are larger than success, and larger than failure too. You are larger than praise, and larger than criticism too. Within you there is something no outer event can touch. But to know it, you will have to descend within.

Sit with the fear

And descending within means sitting with your fear. You run from fear, so fear keeps growing stronger. One day, sit and feel the fear completely. Do not run. Do not be in a hurry to name it. Only see in the body where the fear is. In the chest, in the stomach, in the breath, in the throat. Look. Perhaps you will find that fear comes like an energy. It rises, and then it changes. But when you call it I, it becomes a permanent identity.

The same is true of sorrow. Feel the sorrow. But do not say, I am sorrow. Say, A wave of sorrow has risen within me. The wave will come and go. You are the ocean. Waves are your states, not your whole existence. And when this understanding slowly descends into experience, a person blames others less. He sees what is moving within himself. This is maturity. Less trying to change the other; more trying to understand oneself.

And this understanding changes relationships too. Because when you begin to see yourself, you also begin to see the human being behind another's reactions. You understand that the person who is angry may also have fear within. The person who is harsh may also have some wound within. The person who constantly wants praise may also have insecurity within. This does not mean that every behavior is right. It only means that you are developing the capacity to understand before you react. And in understanding, compassion is born.

But remember: compassion does not mean weakness. An aware person can also set a necessary boundary, can also say no, can also keep a distance — but does not store poison within. He does not drink poison himself in order to punish the other. Because he has understood that holding on to anger is like holding fire in your own hand in order to throw it at someone else. Your hand burns first.

Therefore knowing yourself is not only a spiritual phrase. It is a practical art of living. When you know yourself a little, the nature of your desires begins to change. The grip in your relationships begins to loosen. Distance begins to appear in your reactions. Meaning begins to come into your silence. And the greatest thing: you less often need proof from someone else of who you are. Then, for the first time, you can stand within yourself and say: I do not need a certificate in order to be. I am, and my being itself is enough.

This is the point where life begins to be less from the outside and deeper from within. Then you understand that knowing yourself is not an achievement. It is letting go of all the things you are not. The name went. The role went. Thoughts went. Fear was seen, desire was seen, ego was seen. And before the one who kept seeing all of it, a door of silence slowly opens. On that door no name is written. There is no position there, no comparison, no story. There, there is only existence. Silence. Awareness.

And perhaps in that moment you will feel, for the first time, that the truth you searched for outside all your life was never outside. It was waiting between your own breaths, within your own awareness, in your own silence. And now the search is only this: that you stop, see, wake, and return within.

The new clothing of ego

By now you have begun to see how many voices there are within you, how many faces, how many desires, how many fears, and how many stories. But now understand one deeper thing. Even after seeing all of this, the mind will immediately try to build a new identity. It will say: now I am aware. Now I am a person who meditates. Now I am different from others. And just like that, ego puts on a new garment.

Before, it said, I have wealth. Now it will say, I have spiritual knowledge. Before, it took pride in its car. Now it will take pride in its meditation. Before, it said, I am successful. Now it will say, I am very aware.

But the movement of ego is very subtle. It can make anything its own. Therefore the greatest danger on the path of self-knowledge is that you turn even knowledge into ego. You understand a few things and then begin explaining them to others. You read two books and think you have now understood the secret of life. You meditate for a few days and the thought comes: I have gone very far.

But remember: where the feeling I have arrived arises, the search has stopped. Because truth is not an achievement you can grasp in your fist and say, Look, I have attained it. The person who claims to have attained truth is still in the ego that makes claims. Therefore, the further within you go, the simpler you become. The more you understand, the more humble you become. Because one who truly sees knows how vast life is, and how small his own information is.

When a child stands for the first time at the edge of the sea, he may think he has seen the sea. But the person who descends into the depth of the sea comes to know how small a part the water visible on the surface was. It is exactly the same within. On the surface you know your mind. But go a little deeper and you will find how many layers there are within you. On one layer, desires. On the second, fear. On the third, memories. On the fourth, the voices of others. And somewhere beneath these, a silence you have perhaps never touched.

Therefore knowing yourself is not the work of a single day. It is not an examination in which you sit today, write the answer, and receive a certificate. It is a process of waking in every moment. You woke in the morning and saw how the mind is. You met someone and saw what reaction happened within. Someone did not accept your word and you saw how the ego shook. Someone praised you and you saw who swelled within. You were alone and you saw what the mind is running from. This continuous seeing slowly deepens consciousness.

And remember: do not hate whatever appears within you. Many people begin self-observation, and the moment they see their anger they start hating themselves. They see their envy and say, How bad I am. They see their desire and begin to consider themselves guilty. But this too is another movement of ego. First ego said, I am great. Now it says, I am very bad. In both, I is at the center. Awareness holds on to neither. It only sees.

If there is anger, see the anger. If there is envy, see the envy. If there is some desire within, see it — without naming it, without abusing it, without decorating it. Because a thing that is fully seen begins to lose its power. You do not have to fight your darkness. You have to bring light into it. If a room is dark, you do not push the darkness out. You light a lamp, and the darkness goes by itself. This is consciousness.

Do not wage war on the faults within you. Become aware. Because in war both sides grow stronger. You say, I should not be angry. Then you fight against anger and give anger more energy. You say, I should not be greedy. Then you wage war with greed and think about it day and night. You say, I should not desire. And then, suppressing desire, you remain entangled in it. Suppression is not the solution. Seeing is the beginning of the solution.

When you see without suppression, the transformation of energy becomes possible. If you suppress anger, it will remain stored within. If you see it with full awareness, you will understand what is behind it. Perhaps a wound, perhaps an expectation, perhaps fear, perhaps ego. And when the root is seen, the branches weaken by themselves.

Therefore do not try to change anything within you in a hurry. First understand it. A human being's hurry is his problem. He says, I must change right now. But the deep habits within were made over years. They will not leave in a day. Give them time. Give them light. A seed takes time to become a tree. You cannot dig the soil every day to see how large the root has grown. You must give water, give sunlight, and wait.

Meditation is the same. Sometimes you will feel that nothing is happening. Still, sit. Sometimes the mind will run a great deal. Still, see. Sometimes there will be peace within. Do not cling to it. Sometimes there will be restlessness. Do not run from it. Because if you begin to grasp peace, that too will become a desire. Do not collect experiences in meditation. Today the meditation was good; tomorrow it was bad. Let both go. You are not the experience. You are the witness of the experience.

This matter is as simple as it is deep. How many experiences have come into your life and gone. How many experiences of childhood are only memory today. How many joys came, how many sorrows came, how many people came, how many left. If you kept joining your identity to every experience, there would be thousands of Is within you today. But there is one continuity that says, This happened to me. That continuity gives you a direction within. But do not try to grasp it. The seer cannot be grasped like an object. The eye sees everything, but the eye cannot see itself directly. It needs a mirror. In the same way, consciousness can see all experiences, but it cannot be seen by being turned into an object.

Therefore the path of self-knowledge is a little mysterious. You search outside and nothing is found. Because what you are searching for is not separate from the searcher. You are searching for yourself, but the searcher and the sought are one existence. Therefore the search is not of covering an outer distance, but of removing illusion. As clouds move away and the sky appears. The sky had not gone anywhere. There were only clouds. In the same way, your silence is not lost somewhere. There are clouds of thoughts, clouds of desires, clouds of fear, clouds of memories, clouds of identity. You say, There is no peace within me. Perhaps peace has not gone. You have identified yourself with the clouds.

Have you ever seen the sky? Clouds come and seem to touch the sky, then they go. The sky does not say to any cloud, Why did you come? Nor is it unhappy when any cloud leaves. It only gives space. Your consciousness can be like that too. A thought came — give it space. Sorrow came — give it space. Joy came — give that space too. Do not grasp anything. Do not push anything away. This is inner freedom.

And when you begin to do this, a new quality slowly arises within you: acceptance. Acceptance does not mean taking what is wrong to be right. Acceptance means first seeing reality as it is in this moment. If you are unhappy, first acknowledge that unhappiness is there. If you are in envy, first see that envy is there. If you fear someone, see that fear is there. Because what you do not accept, you also cannot understand.

You hide your weakness and then act at being strong. But real strength is not in acting. It is in honesty. Learn to be honest with what is within you. Lying to the world may be easy, but by lying to yourself you darken your own house. You can tell others, I am very happy. But at night, alone, when the pillow sees your tears, of what use is that lie? You can tell others, I need no one. But within, you are thirsting for someone's love. You can say, I have no worry about money, while calculating wealth all the time.

Become honest with yourself. This honesty itself is the beginning of self-knowledge. Have the courage to see what is within you. And when you do this, you will slowly understand that a great deal of your sorrow is born not from your actual condition, but from not accepting that condition. Sorrow came, and you say, This should not have happened.

Then another sorrow is produced on top of the sorrow. A relationship ended, and you say, Why did this happen? Then the mind makes a story, assigns blame, repeats the past. But if you see that moment completely — yes, this has ended; there is pain; there are tears; but I will feel it; I will not run — then pain can find its natural path. If you let pain live, it passes. If you suppress it, it remains stored within.

Therefore if tears come, weep. If silence is needed, sit in silence. If you must be alone, be alone for a while. Do not search for entertainment in order to escape every feeling. Sometimes sitting with your own restlessness is also meditation. You will find that restlessness is not permanent. It too is a wave. And when you watch the wave without grasping it, you begin to experience the ocean. This slowly leads toward self-knowledge.

Then one day it also begins to appear that your whole race was not about reaching some destination. You were running away from yourself. You grasped success because you were afraid of the empty place within. You grasped relationships because, alone, you had to face yourself. You chose noise because in silence your real voice could be heard. But now, if you stop, there is no need to fear. Let whatever is within come. You are larger than your darkness. You are larger than your thoughts. You are larger than your past. And most important, you are also larger than the story made about you.

When the story falls, an emptiness comes. Do not be alarmed by it. That emptiness can slowly turn into silence. And in silence, for the first time, you can experience yourself without any name. There, no claim, no proof, no comparison. There, only this simple experience: I am. Not I am great. Not I am small. Only I am. And perhaps life's deepest beauty is hidden in this simplicity.

You kept trying to become a great many things. Now, for a few moments, learn the art of only being. Because it may be that what you ran your whole life to obtain was already sitting within you. And your whole search may only be this: that you remove, one by one, the veils lying over it. Then no one outside will remain guilty, and no enemy will remain within. There will only be a quiet light of seeing. And in that light, slowly, your real face will begin to appear.

You live from habit

And now that you have begun, a little, to look within, understand one more secret. Knowing yourself does not mean only seeing your thoughts. It means understanding the whole arrangement by which you live your life.

You wake in the morning and, without thinking, begin to do certain things. You meet people, talk, make decisions, become displeased, become pleased, make plans, and then at night fall asleep exhausted. But you have never seen how large a part of your life is running by habit. You think you are deciding. But very often a conditioning already formed makes the decision, and afterward it seems to you that you decided.

You see a person and at once liking or dislike arises. You hear a word and at once a reaction comes. A circumstance appears and your mind at once draws its meaning from an old memory. This is unconscious life. You do not live in the present. You see the present through the spectacles of your past.

Someone once betrayed you. Now suspicion falls on every new person. Someone left you. Now the fear of being left sits in every relationship. Someone praised you. Now you want praise everywhere. Someone insulted you. Now you search for honor all your life. See: the event passed, but its mark remained within you. And you began to see the present through that old mark.

Therefore self-knowledge does not mean erasing the past. It means stopping the past from becoming spectacles on your eyes. You must see your past. You must not fight it. What happened, happened. It cannot be changed. But your relationship with it can change. This is freedom.

You say, This happened to me. All right, it happened. But why must every new moment now be punished for that event? If someone wounded you in love, does that mean every person will wound you? If someone broke your trust, does that mean no one in the world is trustworthy? No. But the mind does exactly this. From one experience it draws a conclusion about the whole world. And then it says, I know people.

No. You do not know people. You are projecting your memories onto the present. Therefore knowing yourself is necessary, so that you can see what you are actually seeing, and what you are seeing through memory.

Take a small example. You are walking on the road and you see someone. He does not look toward you. At once the mind says, He ignored me. But what is the reality? Perhaps he did not see you at all. Perhaps he was in some worry. Perhaps his attention was elsewhere. But your mind immediately made a story. Now you begin to produce emotions according to that story. You become unhappy. You become angry. And until evening you keep thinking, Why did he do this to me? — while perhaps nothing happened at all.

This is the power of the mind. It lives more on stories than on events. And the power of meditation is that it stops you before the story is made. You can see the event as an event. Then you can say, I do not know what actually happened. This small sentence is a very great freedom. I do not know.

The mind always wants to know. It wants a cause for everything. It wants every person's intention. It wants a meaning for every event. But a very large part of life is mystery. You do not know everything. And accepting this is not ignorance. It is humility. When you say, I do not know, the mind becomes quiet for a little while. It gives up the hurry to make a story. And in that place, awareness is born.

Therefore sometimes see life without interpretation. It is raining — it is only rain. The wind is blowing — it is only wind. Someone smiled — it is only a smile. Someone did not smile — only that much. The rest of the story is being made by your mind.

And do not think the mind is an enemy. The mind too is an instrument of your own consciousness. The problem begins when the instrument sits down as the master. A knife is useful in the kitchen. But if the knife itself begins to decide whom it will cut, danger arises. The mind too is useful. If calculation must be done, a plan made, a language spoken, work done — the mind is a wonderful means. But when the mind seizes your whole existence, the problem begins. Then you start living everything through thoughts. Love also becomes a thought. Nature also becomes a thought. Meditation also becomes a thought.

You stand at the bank of a river and do not see the river; you keep thinking about the river. You eat food and, instead of tasting it, keep looking at the phone. You sit with a dear person and the mind is wandering somewhere in the future. Then you say, Time is passing very fast. Time is not. Your presence is missing. You were not present. So life kept passing in front of you.

Self-knowledge brings you back to the present. It says: wherever you are, be wholly there. If you are drinking tea, in that moment only drink tea. Feel its warmth. Feel its fragrance. Feel the touch of the cup. You will think this is a very small thing. But no. These small things slowly join you to life. Because life does not happen in great occasions. It happens in small moments.

You think: when great success comes, then I will live. When there is money, then I will live. When the right person is found, then I will live. When all problems end, then I will live. But that day never comes. Life always comes now. If you do not know how to live now, you will not know tomorrow either. Because when tomorrow comes, it too comes by becoming now. Therefore the person who loses the present keeps losing life for his whole life.

Knowing yourself means making friends with this moment of your life. Right now the breath is moving. Feel it. Right now the body is sitting. Feel it. Right now there is a thought in the mind. See it. Right now there is a feeling. Accept it. You do not need to reach any special state. Begin from the state you are in.

And one thing is very deep. The more you fight yourself, the more divided you become. You say, I should not be like this. But what is, is. First see it. If you are angry, acknowledge that anger is there. If you envy, see that envy is there. If you have attachment to someone, see that attachment is there. This does not mean you remain stuck in it. Seeing means going to its root.

When you say, I should not envy, you are hiding the envy. But when you say, Yes, there is envy within me; I will see it, then you stand before it. And when you stand before it, for the first time the possibility of understanding it comes to you. Behind envy there is often comparison. Behind comparison there is insecurity. Behind insecurity there is a confusion about your own worth. And behind that, the belief that I am important only when I am more than another.

See where the root is. Then you understand that the problem was not the other person's success. The problem was that you had joined your worth to comparison. If someone moved ahead of you, you felt that you had become small. But life is not a race. Deciding which of two flowers is more beautiful by comparing them — how foolish that is. Let the rose remain a rose. Let the lotus remain a lotus. A tree does not worry that another tree is taller. Birds in the sky do not measure one another's height. Only the human being compares, and by comparing gives himself sorrow.

You say: he is more beautiful than I, more successful, richer, more famous. But you do not see what your own search is. Self-knowledge brings you out of comparison. For the first time you begin to see your life as your life. Then you have less need to imitate anyone else. You ask: what is truth for me? And this question is very beautiful. Because society constantly tells you how you ought to be. But self-knowledge asks: what are you, actually? Between the two questions there is the difference of earth and sky.

The first question makes you a part of society. The second joins you to your own existence. This does not mean leave society. No. Remain in society. But learn to distinguish, within yourself, between the voice of society and the voice of your consciousness.

Sometimes sit in silence and ask: do I want this because I truly need it, or because people consider it success? Am I holding this relationship because there is love in it, or because I am afraid of being alone? Am I doing this work because there is meaning in it, or only so that people will praise me? Such questions will slowly bring you closer to your real life.

And when you ask honestly, many answers may feel uncomfortable. But truth does not always give comfort. Sometimes truth breaks the whole arrangement you have made. And what breaks is not your real nature. It is only a false identity. Therefore if something within begins to break, do not fear. It may be that some years-old notion is breaking. It may be that you are seeing, for the first time, that you were living to please others. It may be that you discover that many of your ambitions were actually born of fear. It may be that you discover you were not seeking love; you were seeking acceptance.

This seeing can give pain. But this pain can also be the beginning of healing. A wound that remains hidden cannot fill. It will have to be brought into the light. And light means awareness. So do not run from the truth within you.

If you are broken, remain broken for some time. If you need to weep, weep. If you need silence, sit in silence. There is no need to look strong all the time. Being strong does not mean you will never have pain. Being strong means that even in the time of pain you can see your pain. You can remain present even in your tears. You can keep from losing yourself even in your failure. And slowly you will find that your consciousness is larger than circumstances.

Then something wonderful happens in life. You ask less proof from others, and more truth from yourself. You ask: am I truly awake? — not whether people consider me aware. You ask: am I truly loving? — not whether others consider me a loving person. You ask: am I truly free? — not whether the world considers me free. This inner honesty slowly takes you to the place where life is no longer an act. You begin to be what you are. You no longer need to play a role all the time. And when the role falls for a little while, the peace that appears is very deep. Because in that peace there is no competition, no proof, no comparison. There, there is only being. And in this being, perhaps, is the door you were seeking outside.

You tried very hard to change the world. Now, for some time, try to see yourself. You spent a great deal of energy explaining things to others. Now spend some energy understanding yourself. You spent years counting other people's mistakes. Now spend a few moments seeing your own reactions. You asked what the world is doing to you. Now ask with what eye you are seeing the world.

The moment this question changes, the search changes. Because the world may not change at once. People may not change at once. Circumstances may not change at once. But if the seer begins to change, the whole quality of experience changes.

And in the end, this is what must be understood. Knowing yourself is not a search of becoming some special person. It is a search of recognizing all the masks you have put on. See each mask, recognize it, and let it remain where it is until it falls by itself. There is no hurry. The more quickly you want to obtain truth, the more quickly you will grasp some new illusion. Therefore walk slowly, walk quietly. But walk awake. Because the destination is not far. The one you are seeking is not sitting inside you in some future. He is present in this very moment, in the depth of your awareness.

All you have to do is stop running, for a few moments — from your thoughts, from your past, from your desires, from your image, from the opinions of others. And when the running stops, for the first time you will hear that a silence within you had been speaking for a very long time. That silence does not say, in words, I am this or I am that. It is only present. And when you abide in that presence, you slowly understand that what you called I all your life was perhaps only a story. And the life behind the story was always with you.

What you seek is already here

And now, at the last stage of this search, understand one thing very deeply. Knowing yourself is not obtaining something you do not already have. It is removing the layers that have taken you far from your own existence.

The truth you are seeking is not a destination sitting far away. It is not an object you can suddenly take in your hand one day after years of austerity. It is present within you even now. Only your sight is so busy outward that you cannot see it.

All your life you tried to become something. In childhood, to become grown. In youth, to become successful. After success, to obtain still more. To get ahead of others. To earn honor. To make a name. To obtain someone's love. To obtain someone's acceptance. And in this race of becoming, you forgot even to ask who it is that already is.

You kept saying, When I become this, then I will be happy. But when you became that, the mind placed the next destination before you. Then it said, this is still remaining — and you started running again. In this way life kept passing. Destinations kept changing, but the race did not change. And perhaps one day, looking back, you find that the life you had come to live, you forgot to live.

Therefore now it is necessary to stop. Not to run — to stop. Because sometimes stopping is the greatest revolution. The world tells you: run fast, move ahead, get ahead of others, earn more, show more, achieve more. But the inner search says: stop for a moment and see where you are going. Whose wish are you running to fulfill? From whom do you need proof? What hunger is hidden behind all your achievements?

And when you look at these questions honestly, perhaps you will find that much of your running was not for love, but because of fear. You were afraid of failing, so you wanted to succeed. You were afraid of being alone, so you held on to relationships. You were afraid of feeling insignificant, so you searched for name and honor. You were afraid of the empty place within, so you kept filling it with outer things.

But an empty place cannot be filled with objects. It can only be understood. And when you sit with that emptiness, without trying to fill it, an astonishing thing happens. You find that the emptiness was not as frightening as your mind had told you. You can sit beside it. You can feel it. You can give it breath. And slowly that same emptiness can turn into silence. In silence you meet yourself.

Therefore do not fear being alone. There is a difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is when you feel another's absence as sorrow. Solitude is when you begin to experience your own presence. Sitting in an empty room and keeping trying to connect with someone by picking up the phone is loneliness. Sitting in that same room, listening to your breath, watching your thoughts, listening to the voice within — this is the beginning of solitude.

And in solitude you slowly find that you do not need to be with someone all the time. This does not mean the need for love ends. On the contrary: when you find your own presence, love becomes more beautiful. Because then you do not hold the other in order to fill your lack. You say: I am not pretending to be complete. But I can abide within myself. Therefore I am with you because being with you is beautiful — not because without you I would become nonexistent.

This gives love freedom. And where there is freedom, love can breathe. Where the grip is too great, love slowly begins to suffocate. Therefore knowing yourself is not going away from relationships. It is being more true inside relationships.

If you love someone, love truly. If you speak with him, truly listen. If you see him, see completely. If you are with him, do not divide yourself between the phone, the past, and the future. Remain with him in that moment. Because perhaps this is love's greatest gift: to give someone your whole presence.

And do the same with yourself. You have given time to the world. How many moments have you given yourself? You have heard other people's problems. When did you hear the voice within? You have fulfilled other people's wishes. Did you ever ask what your soul wants?

And here a caution is necessary. There is a difference between the wish of the soul and the wish of the mind. The mind says, more is needed. Consciousness sometimes says, this much is enough. The mind says, let people see me. Consciousness says, let me see myself. The mind says, get ahead of others. Consciousness says, wake within. The mind seeks happiness in the future. Consciousness seeks life in the present.

Therefore when you begin to listen to the inner voice, it will take time to recognize it. Because the noise of the mind is very old. It has been speaking continuously. Do this, do not do that. What will people say? If this happens? If he leaves? If I fail? If I do not receive honor? But the tone of consciousness is very quiet. It does not shout. It does not give orders. It only becomes visible — as morning light slowly enters a room. Therefore, to hear the voice within, you will also have to become quiet.

Every day, sit for some time without any screen. Without music, without video, without any outer noise. In the beginning the mind will be restless. It will say, do something. Do not. Only sit. Watch the breath. Feel the body. Let thoughts keep coming. Do not follow them. One thought came: I have to do this work tomorrow. See it. Another came: why did that person do this to me? See it. A third came: if only I had this much money. See it. A fourth came: when will I succeed? See it. You do not have to solve anything. You only have to see.

And slowly you will find that thoughts too have their own movement. They come, remain a little while, and go. But you set out on a search with them. That is why they feel real. If you sit on the bank and watch, thoughts are like clouds. One came, another came, a third came, and the sky remained where it was. Your consciousness is that sky.

This understanding slowly descends within. And then you recognize the greatest mistake of your life. You had taken the clouds to be the sky. You had taken your thoughts to be yourself. You had taken your fear to be yourself. You had taken your role to be yourself. You had taken your story to be your existence. But now, when you see, a difference begins to appear between the story and the one who sees. And in this difference there is a wonderful peace.

Some thought tells you, you are a failure. You see it. Another thought says, you are great. You see that too. Both pass. Then you understand that failure and success are both concepts of the mind. Life is larger than them. Today you won; tomorrow you lost. But the breath kept moving. The sun rose, night came, birds sang, trees stood. Life kept flowing in its current. You gave it the name of victory and defeat inside your small story.

This does not mean action has no importance. It means: act, but do not bind your soul to its result. Your work is not your whole identity. Your mistake is not your whole identity. Your past is not your whole identity. What you lost is not you. What you gained is not you either. Events have happened in your life. You are larger than those events.

And when this matter descends into experience, forgiveness becomes possible — forgiving yourself, and forgiving others too. Because you see how many mistakes you made in ignorance. Others made them too. This does not mean justifying wrong behavior. It means not carrying its burden forever. If someone wounded you, and for years you kept holding that person in your mind, that person may no longer be in your life. But you have given him a place within you. Every day you repeat the same story. What kind of freedom is this?

Learn to let go. Letting go is not for the other. It is for yourself. The person you cannot let go of — your relationship with him may already have ended. But your mind is still in conversation with him. Now end that conversation too. Say: what happened, I saw. I felt. I learned. Now I move on.

But moving on is not running into some new story either. It is returning to the present. And this reaches death as well. What comes in life will go. The body will go. Relationships will change. Wealth will go. The name will go. Therefore the stronger the grip, the greater the fear. One who learns to let go learns to live.

Every breath teaches you letting go. The breath came in; you did not grasp it. The breath went out; you did not stop it. Even if the outgoing breath were to say, I will not return, life still makes room for the next breath. This is the law of existence: coming and going, meeting and parting, becoming and dissolving. Therefore do not keep hold of life. Live it.

If a flower has bloomed, see its beauty. Do not think it must always remain like this. If you are with a dear person, live that moment completely. Do not keep thinking that one day this will end. Do not lose the life of the present in the fear of a future death. Live wholly what is now. This is meditation. This is love. This is respect for life.

And slowly you will find that within you there is a place where there is no grip, no fear, no race. There, you do not want to get ahead of anyone. There, you have nothing to prove to anyone. There, you are only present. And this is perhaps the most beautiful beginning of knowing yourself: when you no longer need any proof in order to exist. You can be silent and still complete. You can be alone and still not empty. You can fail and still not hate yourself. You can succeed and still not lose yourself in ego. If someone praises you, you can smile. If someone criticizes you, you can listen. But you do not make either the price of your soul.

Then, for the first time, you become not the owner of your life, but its witness. And being a witness is not being inactive. It is acting consciously for the first time. More clarity comes into what you do. There is less falsehood in your words. There is less acting in your relationships. There is less fear in your decisions. Within you there is less noise and more silence. This change will not look very large from the outside. But from within, the whole life can change.

Return home

Therefore, if today you take only one thing from this search, let it be this: do not imprison yourself in any definition. Knowing yourself does not mean closing yourself inside some word. You are not a fixed idea. You are a living current of life. In every moment something new is happening within you. See it. Remain with it. Keep waking. And when you forget, return again. When the mind wanders, return to the breath. When ego rises, see it. When fear comes, feel it. When love comes, live it completely. When sorrow comes, do not run. When joy comes, do not grasp it. Only keep seeing. Keep waking. And keep returning within.

Because in the end you do not have to arrive anywhere. You have to return home. And that home is not some place outside. It is your own awareness. That quiet center which has been within you since childhood. It was there when you wept. It was there when you laughed. It was there when you succeeded. It was there when you broke. Every event of life came and went. But the seer remained.

Now that seer is to be recognized. And when this flame of recognition burns even a little, you understand that truly, a great deal can be done without knowing yourself — but everything remains incomplete. Wealth can be obtained, but not peace. Fame can be obtained, but not the taste of one's own being. Relationships can be obtained, but not the home within. Knowledge can be obtained, but not the knower.

And when the direction of knowing yourself opens, you also understand that to change life it is not always necessary to change the outer world. Sometimes it is enough to change the way of seeing. The same room, the same people, the same work, the same roads. But within, a new eye. And with that new eye the world appears, for the first time, as it is — not according to your wish, not according to your fear, not according to your memory, but directly, simply, alive.

Then every morning becomes an opportunity. Every breath becomes a meditation. Every relationship becomes a mirror. Every difficulty can become a teacher. Every silence can become a door. And then you no longer wait for some special day, that one day you will know yourself. You come to know that knowing yourself can happen now. In this breath, in this moment, in this awareness.

Only close your eyes. Remain silent for a little while. Listen to every voice rising within you. And then feel, behind all of them, that silence which says nothing, and yet sees everything. That is the deepest presence within you. The search began from that, and the search completes in that.

All outer travels end one day. But the search toward yourself can grow deeper in every moment. Therefore now stop running. Do not run from yourself. Do not run from your past. Do not run from your fear. Do not run from your silence. Have the courage to descend within. Because it is possible that what you have been seeking for years had never gone far from you. You yourself had gone far from it.

Now return. Slowly, without any hurry, return within. And when you return, perhaps you will not need to meet any new person. You will meet, behind that old I, the silent existence which the world never gave a name, which no one can take away, which no honor can make larger, and which no insult can make smaller.

Then a very simple experience will rise from within you: I am. Only that much. And to abide for a few moments in this I am — without any story, without any claim, without any fear — perhaps this is the moment where life, for the first time, does not feel in vain. Because now you are seeing life not from the outside, but from within. And the day the seer wakes, that same world, that same life, that same breath — everything fills with a new meaning.